Risking My Life for LegoI have recently endured an experience so trying that it must have been torn from the pages of the book of Job. I nearly got killed by a Chicago Red Line train and it was all because of a box of Lego.
Unfortunately this meant waiting longer to get them because the mail shuts down and is delayed so much this time of year. Chicago's mail system isn't that reliable at anytime of year. For example, I can't have things sent to my apartment because if it's too big to fit in my tiny mailbox then I will probably never get it. The item gets returned to a post office that is really hard for me to reach or if it's sent UPS it just gets returned to sender. I learned all this the hard way when I moved here to Chicago. To solve this problem I now have a post office box at a post office location that is easier to reach. I tracked online the packages of Lego that I ordered and I could see that they were waiting for me at my PO box. Even though it was bitterly cold I decided to go pick them up. I went to the post office after work and was greeted by a huge line of people. This was the first open day the post office had after the long New Year's weekend. So of course every body and their third cousin was there to either pick up or ship out. I got the little yellow ticket from my PO box telling me that what I got was too damn big to fit in my PO box and I went to the back of the line.
Luckily I was saved by a lady at a counter that called over anybody who was just there for a pick up. I gave her my golden ticket and she exchanged it for two bread-loaf sized boxes. Mission accomplished I bid those other suckers in line adieu and headed back to the train station. I've previeously writen about surviving the Chicago L-train. So you never know what to expect while riding it.
I made it to the platform of the L-train stop and was eagerly waiting for the train to arrive because it was freezing outside. I had some how forgotten my gloves so my hands were starting to get numb. I was grasping onto the two boxes and held them stacked in front of my chest. I couldn't see the train in sight yet, so I decided to sit the boxes down for a second on a bench while I looked to see if I could find my gloves. As I looked in my man-bag for the missing gloves I happen to catch something dash past me out of the corner of my eye. I looked up to see that a gust of chilling wind had blown one of my packages off the platform and onto the train tracks! You know those moments when something is so ridiculously absurd that you convince yourself it isn't really happening to you. Yeah, that's how I felt as I looked down at that little brown package of Lego sitting six feet down from me on the train tracks. I immediately looked back up the track to see if the train was there. It still was no where in sight. But they usually run every 10 minutes or so. I looked back at the box and started to wonder how I could get it back.
Meanwhile other people on the platform started to notice the box on the tracks. "Oh no" one sympathetic lady said. I just smiled sheepishly while thinking to myself "how it the world do I get into these situations?" Getting the box back wasn't gonna be easy. First of all it was six feet below me so I couldn't reach it. And remember this is the elevated train so the tracks themselves are thirty feet off the ground. Not only that but there is the electrified third rail that can fry you up like a piece of crispy bacon. So jumping down to the tracks would be risking my life in like five different ways. If I would be killed that way imagine the eulogy. "Young man was killed by elevated train while attempting to retrieve a box of wind blown Lego sets that fell precariously onto the tracks." Yea, didn't want my next of kin to have to live with that legacy. Luckily the kind lady next to me saw my life passing before my eyes and suggested that I go ask the attendant for help. I liked the sound of that. So clinging to the remaining second box I ran down the steps to the booth on the ground level. I found the man inside and tried to explain to him the situation in what must have been a jumble of entirely unrecognizable broken statements. "Hi can you help...box on the tracks...wind blew...train's coming...Lego....save the LEGO!!!" The guy looked at me like I was from Mars and then casually walked out of his booth to help me. He must have understood enough of what I was saying because he asked me "Where is the box?" The attendant and I walked up the stairs and I pointed at the location and explained more clearly to him what had happened. The attendant slowly walked down to the end of the platform toward the steps that lead to the tracks. Just then I noticed a train was on its way! The attendant had a walkie talkie and I assumed he had told the train to stop because it slowed down to a complete stop just outside of the station. Then to my surprise the train started rolling again. I looked down at my box. I could hear the song Taps playing in the distance and I knew it was a goner. The people on the platform were all now fully engaged in my embarrassing drama. "Uh oh, here it comes!" one man said. They all were looking down at the box and then back at me as if wanting to see my reaction as it was obliterated. We all watched as the huge train plowed into the station hitting the box head on. Looking down at where the box once sat I was trying to see through the gaps between the cars as the train whizzed by. I couldn't see the box. One of the other people said that they saw the box get hit and dragged at the front of the train. So I instinctively just started walking down to the front end. The train shortly left and the tracks were visible again, but my forlorn package was no where to be found.
Back at the other end of the station the attendant was now on the tracks walking toward where the box originally landed. I walked back along the upper platform above him. He was looking around for the box. At this point I was thinking that the box had gotten caught on the front of the train and was half way to the next stop. At the attendant's request I pointed out where the box had been. I felt this was a futile exercise however the attendant kept looking around. He then said that he thought he saw it. "Looks like it fell down to the street below," he casually said to me. With renewed hope I jaunted down the steps to the ground level again. At this point I had been out in the cold air without gloves for long enough that my hands were red and totally numb. I looked out at the patch of road directly under the elevated train tracks. I didn't see anything. There was a bus parked across the way but otherwise the road was clear. Then as the bus moved on I spotted my box! It had rolled off the bus's roof and was laying by the opposite curb. I waited for the traffic to clear avoiding vehicular homicide and then ran over and finally retrieved the box. I can assure you that on my journey home I clung to those two packages as if my arms were the jaws of life. It's not as though the contents of the boxes were so precious to me, I just did not want to have a repeat of that experience again. So here is proof that my story is true.
These are pics I took of the two boxes. You can probably tell which one gave me trouble.
It held up surprisingly well considering it was hit by a fucking train, fell on a bus and then landed in a gutter! I guess the good news is that the box did all this and not me. Of all the things I'd risk my life for a package of Lego is not one of them. Dan (1/4/2010)
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My adventure started out innocent enough. As readers of X-tropia know I am a big fan of Lego. I have a 
Why is it that when you are waiting in line being perfectly content on patiently waiting that there has to be some spastic impatient person right in front of you. Seriously, there was a guy who was so fidgety I thought he either had ADD or had to pee. Watching him shift from side to side, sigh and tap is foot made me feel like I was standing next to one of those little ba-bombs in a Super Mario Bros. game. You know, the ones that walk along until agitated then they start to blink red and you know they are gonna explode at any second. I was just waiting for this guy to blow. 
