Surviving the Chicago L-line Trains

chicago train

If you live in Chicago then undoubtedly you will be getting around mostly using the elevated train system (aka L-line or just "the L" for short.) Personally I like riding the trains. If a store or restaurant isn't within walking distance of an L-line stop I probably won't be going there often.

I soon learned once I moved here to Chicago that you don't use your car much. For one thing unless you pay large for a parking spot that is designated to you by name, you'll be randomly parking in the street. Once you have your car in a spot you won't want to move it, even when you have to go some where. So you take the L train instead.

elevated train

Hypothetically, one could also take a taxi. But they are grossly expensive. The few times I've splurged on a taxi ride is if I wasn't that far from my destination (so the fare would be low,) and I was running late and couldn't walk there in time. Otherwise, I try to avoid taxi's.

So when your car, taxi or a horse drawn carrage is not an option take the train. But there are rules! Or in the least tips on how to survive the L-line ride.

First of all, give yourself plenty of time. Due to construction (there's a lot of it too) along the lines the trains sometimes must reduce speed down to that of a snail on crutches. So get an early start in the morning. Yet, if you can stay a little later than 5pm after work then hopefully it's less crowded and you'll score a seat. Because the goal here is to get a seat. Having a seat on the L-line is a treasured thing. Because unless you like being tossed around while doing an awkward impression of a fully dressed pole dancer then you'll want a nice seat. The seats on the Chicago L train are more comfy than a wooden parkbench but still hard enough to make your legs fall asleep. The seats are positioned facing the front and the back of the train. Some people like sitting facing the front because it feels more natural. If you have a tendency to get motion sicknes, for the love of god sit facing forward. There's no complementaty barf bags on this flight sistah!

The train cars themselves vary from relatively clean to "oh my god what is that horrible stench!" But that often depends on the other passengers. (I'll get to them in a minute.) The train cars on the Chicago L-line all have air conditioning in the summer and heat in the winter. So if you ride during the winter at least you won't freeze. The acception would be if you're forced to sit in a seat by the door. You might as well just be riding on the roof of the car because you'll be hit with just as much cold gusts of wind every time the train opens its doors.

The next thing you'll realize about the train is that the speakers often blurt out all kinds of instructionary and prohibitory warnings. "Doors Closing," "Smoking, Eating and Drinking are Phohibited on all CTA vehicles!" "Soliciting and Gambling are prohibited on all CTA vehicles!" "Nude Jell-O Wrestling is phohibited on all CTA vehicles." you get the idea.

Ah yes the other passengers. Let's break them down into categories shall we? First, you have regular ones that just look out the window, stare straight ahead, or close they're eyes restfully. Then there are ones that stare directly at you in a creepy sort of way. Meanwhile, there are the noisy variety. These passenger are either jabbering with each other in "outside" voices (often in languages few others speak.) Or, they will be on their cell phones telling the person on the other line what stop they are at. Then of course are the hustlers that ask for change. But on a rare occassion when god is in a rather hilarious mood you'll step into a car with a person who is literally out of there natural mind. These type of people will sing (belt really) on the train, or ramble on with pontificating social commentary in between hiccups and slurred speech. One time I had to sit through this drunk guys bad rendition of "Bye Bye Miss American Pie." His version only had eight words repeated over and over again.

Oh and regardless of the category of passenger, they all smell. I never knew that so few people were aware of the advances made in deoderant technology. Apparently they don't ascribe to such new fangled things as soap. Just be prepared to hold your breath...a lot.

Here's my depiction of your standard Chicago L-line passenger. Get used to seeing a lot of this guy.

l train passenger

Another tip is to buy a music player. CD player, MP3 Player, hell, dust off the old Sony Cassette Walkman if you have to. Just be sure to have something to stick into your ears and drown out the awful din of the other passengers. You'll thank me later.

Also, if you have a ways to ride, and you are lucky enough to score a seat, take a good book to read. You'll be surprised how fast the ride seems when you're deep into a good story. Plenty of people bring books, others get a copy of the free Red Eye newspaper (just a lot of useless propaganda if you ask me.) Whatever the choice, have something to concentrate on and dull your senses.

There's always the option of portable video games, but I don't recommend it. I have a portable game player, but I don't take it on the train. First off, I don't want to get it lost or stolen. Second, even with headphone you can't hear the sound from it. So I just don't think it's as fun. But if you're playing Sudoku or Brain Age and don't need a lot of sound, be my guest.

Enjoy the ride!

-Dan