Pepperidge Farm Ginger Family CookiesIt's the holiday season so food companies deliver to store shelves their adaptations of homemade classics. Pepperidge Farm offers us some gingerbread cookies, but there's something not quite right about them. Everyone has had or at least knows what gingerbread cookies are. They are crispy cookies usually shaped like little people with a familiar taste of ginger, cloves and alspice. They are a staple of our holiday cooking traditions. We even make houses out of sheets of gingerbread cookies and decorate them with candy and frosting. Of course there is also the fairytale story about the Gingerbread Man. "Fast as fast can be, you can't catch me because I'm the Gingerbread Man!" Recently, this lovable trickster was brought to life in the Shrek movies as an adorable and memorable character. Yes, there are so many fond memories surrounding gingerbread cookies. So why the hell would Pepperidge Farm go and muck all that up!?
Here you have the "Ginger Family" cookie collection by Pepperidge Farm. Ginger Family? They don't have red hair and freckles. Why didn't they just call them Gingerbread Family? Anyway, as you can see there isn't just the traditional gingerbread man. I'm glad they were at least not being sexist and chose to include a gingerbread woman and two kids. The perfect family. But wait one ginger-pickin' minute here. Are those kids attached to one another? Holy crap the Ginger Family kids are conjoined siamese twins! How is this a festive happy image for a holiday themed cookie? I mean really, what were they thinking? It's just sad and rather macobre. Who was the family they modeled these cookies after, the Oblongs? Apparently brother and sister Ginger are attached at the head and the hip. At least it looks like their heads. It's possibly their hands locked in a permanent high-five pose. Mother Ginger is a bit odd herself. Either she is wearing a frilly colar or she was born with mutated chicken wattles flapping out of her neck. Papa Ginger is your typical gingerbread man. Guess he was simple enough to design with out any major fuck-ups.
Here is what the cookies look like out of the box. Yep, just as terrifying. They are admittingly rather cute. It's just why did they have to make the kids into one solid cookie? I suppose it was for ease of manufacturing and perhaps packaging. (the connected kid's width is about the same as the height of the mom and dad cookies. So they fit in the same size slots easily). But if they have the technology to make mini Oreo cookies the diameter of a freakin' dime, then I think Pepperidge Farm could have made the kids a little less malformed.
You can separate the two kids, but ouch! That looks painful. I don't have the heart to do that even if I plan on biting thier heads off soon after. Knowing that the Ginger family is far far from normal does help guide the imagination about what their lives must be like. There are lot's of crazy senarios that you can put them in.
If you wanna really press the boundries of what the term "family" means you could recreate the Fundamentalist Morman family from the show "Big Love." Just take one daddy and three mommies. Kids are optional because the kids on that show were not siamese twins so it wouldn't be accurate. "God only know what I'd be without you..."
The cookies taste just as you would expect. They are delicious with that famous gingerbread spice flavor. They are crunchy but not as hard as some gingerbread can get. These cookies you can actually chew without needing to soak them in milk for twenty minutes prior. I am starting to grow tired of these freakish Ginger Family cookies. I think I will rid the world of them by feeding them to my pet Rancor! "Fast as fast can be you can't catch...oh god no!" Crunch! Too bad this gingerbread man wasn't a Jedi.
-Dan |
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Though the box shows the typical nuclear family as predicated as the "norm" in our culture, one could always spice it up a little. The box comes with 36 cookies. So you could have two daddies or two mommies. Come on it's the new millenium here. High time we had a gay friendly desert product besides Mrs. Freshley's Pink Snowballs. (I didn't mean that in a dirty way either).
