Chapter Two: No Bones About It
King Nixon's Gaurds Klink and Klank approach the castle of the Grimlocks; a wicked race of orcs.
KLANK- I always heard that the Grimlocks were evil. But this actually doesn't seem so bad.
KLINK- Are you crazy? We're gonna die in there! I don't even know why we're here.
KLANK- King Nixon told us to invite every one from the area to his party. That includes the Grimlocks.
KLINK- Well looks like no one is home, Best be heading back now.
KLANK-Wait, what's that?
VESPER- Who dares to intrude on Grimkeep fortress? If you are selling cookies know this...Lord Blinkstone is on a diet. Tempting him with thin mints would bring swift retribution upon your heads..
KLINK- Nay sorceress, I am Klink, the first guard of the court of Blockview castle. I am sent by his royal highness King Nixon with an invitation.
KLANK- I wish I had some thin mints...
VESPER- And what sort of invitation does this King Nixon offer?
KLANK-Why only to the party of the century. Wine, women and song. It'll be fun, yea?
KLINK-Quiet Klank
VESPER- Waahahaahaaa! A party? Why didn't you say so? Enter and deliver your invitation to my husband Lord Blinkstone the Terrible.
KLANK- Well that wasn't so hard, looks like everything is going our way.
KLINK- I still think we are goners.
Just then watching near the edge of Grimkeep fortress
L.E.G Soldier-The boss isn't gonna like this.
BACK AT CASTLE BLOCKVIEW
QUEEN BREVITA- Everything is ready for your party m'lord.
KING NIXON-Our party you mean my love. We shall show these local mountain folk how glorious we truly are.
QUEEN BREVITA-sigh* Yes sire.
DUSK AT THE GOLD CROWN TAVERN
A hooded figure sneaks inside undetected
GLEEM-Welcome m'lady. I have been expecting you.
HOODED FIGURE-And I you...
QUEEN BREVITA- My beloved.
Then things get mushy...
BACK AT GRIMKEEP
Klink and Klank get an audience with the ruler of the Grimlocks, King Blinkstone
BLINKSTONE- ...and your sure this tunic doesn't make me look fat? Oh yes, come in.
KLINK- Hail lord Blinkstone, ruler of the Grimlocks. We come to you from Blockview castle to invite you to King Nixon's celebra...
BLINKSTONE-So that castle that appeared on the northern mountain today belongs to this King Nixon? He must have a powerful sorcerer working for him.
KLINK-Yes m'lord. The king would like you to join in a revelry of his benevolence this evening.
BLINKSTONE- Well I can't go to a party. Just look at my hips! I can't leave the castle looking this bloated.
KLINK- Oh no m'lord. You look just fine.
BLINKSTONE- Do not condescend to me. It's the sweets. I just can't help it! I raise from my bed in the night as though bewitched. Cakes and biscuits and tarts...
KLANK- Oooh and Donuts.
BLINKSTONE- Oh my yes! My kingdom for a chocolate eclair...
VESPER-Wait Lord Blinkstone. Remember your diet.
BLINKVIEW- Yes, thank you Vesper dear. You two have already met my wife Vesper at the gate. Not only is she my mage and advisor, but she is also my weight loss accountability buddy.
KLINK- Yes, she's um...quite lovely.
VESPER- Perhaps you should go to this party. A king mighty enough to have castles appear for him out of thin air would be a valuable ally against our enemies.
BLINKSTONE-Very well. We will attend you master's party this evening. You may return to him now.
The two guards leave Grimkeep fortress
KLINK- Whew, that was close. At least we go out of there alive.
KLANK- Yea mate, looks like clear sailing now, eh?
KLINK- You had to open your big mouth didn't you Klank?
BACK INSIDE THE GOLD CROWN TAVERN
BREVITA- How long do you think we can continue meeting like this in secret Sir Gleem?
GLEEM- For as long as you wish your Highness.
BREVITA-The king is clever. He will eventually suspect something. But if you were to challenge him then you could be king and we could be together.
GLEEM-Yes that is one option we could explore...
BREVITA- What is on your mind, m'love? I sense you are vexing.
GLEEM- You would laugh at me if I revealed to you the pinning of my heart.
BREVITA-Surely you know I want only the best for you my dearest. Tell me, please?
GLEEM- Alright. I have dreamed that I would be a great performer of the stage. Singing and dancing my way into the hearts of all who see me. I know that given my chance, I could prove my talents.
BREVITA-....
GLEEM- You look at me as though a goblin crawled out of my nose and began to break dance on my head.
BREVITA- What? Oh sorry m'love. It's just that I long for you to achieve even greater success than a mere performer. The crown of Blockview is yours if you but take it!
IN THE DESERT JUST OUTSIDE GRIMLOCK TERRITORY
KLANK-'ere now, these chains look a bit rusty. It's been awhile since my last tetanus shot.
KLINK- This looks like a Grimlock cart. Isn't that their logo on the flag?
SKELETON WARRIOR- Yea man, check it! We boosted this ride from the Grimkeep garage. Our leader is a true O.G. yo!
KLINK- an Old Geezer?
SKELETON WARRIOR- No you crazy cracker! He's an O.G. an original ganstah. Get with the lingo man.
KLANK- Yea Klink, don't you speak jive?
KLINK- No, but I'm fluid in Old English.
SKELETON WARRIOR- Here we are, our home sweet home.
KLANK- Looks like bit of a fixer-upper.
SKELETON WARRIOR- This is our leader, Waifbone.
WAIFBONE- Yes welcome, slaves. Please excuse the mess. Soon we will have a castle that will rival even the Grimlock's Grimkeep fortress.
WAIFBONE-As you can see my people are building it now. But it's slow going. I mean just look at them...they're just a bunch of effing skeletons!
KLANK- Yea, good luck with that.
KLINK- Why have you captured us? What have we done?
WAIFBONE- You two are in deep trouble for conspiring with our enemies the Grimlocks.
KLINK- And who are you anyway?
WIAFBONE- We are the League of Emaciated Gentleman! Or the L.E.G. We were once servants of the Grimlocks but they starved us until we were skin and bones. And now we are just bones.
KLANK- Well I can see where that would cause some friction between you and the Grimlocks then.
WAIFBONE- Exactly! And you dare to side with the Grimlocks in our war.
KLINK- We didn't know you were at war. We only just arrived to these parts today. We are court guards of Blockview castle. Our benevolent King Nixon sent us to invite the local residents of this region to a party announcing his arrival.
WAIFBONE- Well, a party is it? Then we shall come as well. We shall see who King Nixon sides with. The Grimlocks or us.
KLANK- Suit yourselves, but he usually sides with himself.